Tales of Warrog: Chapter 2

Tales of Warrog follows the adventures of my new character in Skyrim, an Orc. He does what he pleases, because he has no shame.

Day 6
Technically it's still Day 5, but the road back to Whiterun was boring, and uneventful. As I reached the gate, the guard tried to stop me, saying no one was allowed in. Again with these racist pricks. It took all of my self control to not smack a bitch, and explained to him that I had sighted a dragon. So unless he wanted to be roasted alive while we debated who gets entry, I suggested he allow me to enter.

Whiterun is about as big as Windhelm, though a bit warmer. I heard the blacksmith say something about not having enough time to make the weapons that were ordered, but I was on a mission of sorts, and I ran off. Down the road, a black guy stopped to talk about how he was sorry I had to listen to his wife and him argue. I had neither seen his wife, nor heard them argue, but when he said he was missing his sword, I offered to help... eventually. He thanked me and told me where the bandits were hiding. Man, everyone is getting their shit stolen lately... and not from me.

 I arrived at Dragonreach. A Dark Elf stopped me until I explained to her that I had important news to give to the Jarl. She let me pass, and I approached the throne. Apparently the Jarl was on his own throne, taking a Jarl sized shit because they were all yelling to him out of the room while I stood there. Might as well put this throne to good use as I took a seat. #likeaboss

Eventually the Jarl finished and returned. He's a pretty cool dude for standing patiently tapping his foot while I sat in his throne. I bored of it quickly, and gave it back. After reporting about the dragon, he told me to talk to his court wizard about dragons.

As soon as I heard the court wizard talk, I wanted to open his throat with my blade. Even worse, he didn't even know the correct properties of Spriggan Sap. What a n00b.

He wanted some Dragon Stone which I happened to already have on me from that one Undead baddie. I offered it up since it was only weighing me down anyway. He said I should talk to the Jarl for payment. That had to wait as the Dark Elf came back to report on a dragon sighting. "Way behind the curve, Lady" I wanted to tell her, but I wanted to get paid. I found the Jarl upstairs, standing around. I tried to talk to him, but he told me, "Not now." I wanted to get paid, and he has the balls to make me wait. I pestered him for a good five minutes, as his only response was "Not now." This is one laid-back dude. I don't know what it takes to get him to fight me, but sitting in his throne, and pestering him for five minutes while he attempts to conduct official business doesn't do the trick. I'll have to experiment more.

Finally, the others were finished giving their reports that he gave me my reward. Some nice gloves and a large axe. The gloves were heavier than I'm used to, but they were enchanted. Just from looking at it, I could tell the axe was no match for my Lightning Sword.

The Jarl in all of his wisdom thought I should help with defeating this dragon. I met a group of soldiers near the gate as the Dark Elf gave a pretty lack luster speech about killing dragons. One guy in the back had it right: "We're going to die!" Well he was anyway. I had enough dragon fodder to stay alive.

By the Divines, these guys are slow. I reached the meeting spot and had to wait around for them to show up and point out the obvious. We went looking for survivors. I got bored and started trimming my nails with my dagger until I realized they had spread out. I ran past the Dark Elf who was not happy about me running into her. Not my fault's night time and you're dark skinned. We found one survivor who had hid out in the turret while the dragon killed all of his friends. This dragon was apparently a perfectionist or at least had OCD as he came back to finish off the guy. After many shots from my bow, and a few breathes of fire to my face, I managed to kill the dragon (with some help). They tried talking to me about some Dragonborn shit, but I was too busy looting anything good off their friends (remember the "We're going to die!" remark?) They told me I absorbed the dragon's soul, but all I saw was some light show. They told me to shout (This whole land is fully of mentally challenged people). I asked "What's the fuss" before they interrupted me, and some blades of grass moved. Apparently, that confirmed it.

I had to report this important "news" to the Jarl at once. Good thing I was almost inside as it began to thunder on my way back. The guy is still pestering me about his sword. I told him I'd get around to it. The Jarl said the thunder was actually a bunch of old guys on a mountain summoning me. Apparently, they haven't found this cool thing called a Courier. Already one gave me a letter "From a friend." They should know by now, Warrog has no friends. His company is only the women under the sheets, and the dying breathes of those he slays. The Jarl "rewarded" me with being able to buy a house, and gave me a title. Whoopty-fricken-do. As soon as I was about to leave, women are all over me, wanting to settle down, calling me Carl, and looking to move into my house. To be honest, this Lydia girl looked like she'd been hit over the head a few too many times, and Warrog doesn't take advantage of such people.

Day 7
I had the choice: help the guy with his sword, or go visit a bunch of old guys. I went to sell my loot. I almost made it when I was accosted by a couple men who were looking for a woman. I tried to tell them about a great whorehouse in Windhelm, but they were looking for a specific woman. I told them I'd keep an eye out for her.

With more money than I could think of doing anything with, I decided to go find that sword, old guys be damned. It was a short walk with lots of peril. And by peril, I mean I totally killed a giant rat and this random Argonian who felt I needed to die by fire and ice. Instead I slit him open from head to toe, and took a cool staff from him.

If I thought those bandits before were overzealous about killing me for stepping within ten feet of their tower, these guys were even more so. One chick ran out to meet me in battle, and the only thing she met was the tip of my blade. The rest fired arrows at me from above. I entered the tower, climbed the stairs, and waited for them to round the corner where I clothslined each of them. Even their leader tried it. Admittedly it took a couple extra strikes to kill her, but that's only because she was wearing armor as good as mine. It was short work to finish off the three archers. I found the sword and a new bow that is enchanted to light people on fire. I returned to Whiterun to sell my loot, return the sword (which I got some training in one-handed weapons and blocking), and grab a drink. When I walked into the bar, I saw this beautiful woman. When I asked her where she was from, she got all defensive. I put two and two together and realized this was the woman they were looking for. Come to find out, they'd been sent to kill her. Well if Warrog is anything, he's the champion of not-letting-beautiful-women-get-killed. She said she'd reward me handsomely if I took out their leader.

The reward better be good because I'm already down 100 gold for paying the fine of one of the guys out to kill her to find the location of his leader.

I think the wolf population has plummeted since my arrival in Skyrim as I was only attacked by one by the time I made it to the cave. They posted one guard outside who I quickly killed. Sometimes I like to give these guys a sporting chance and let them get one hit off on me before my blade cuts into their body. Inside were two more men which I found out burn easily when shot with arrows. Collecting what was worthwhile, I made my way deeper into the cave where I found a handful of them including a mage. The sight of my flaming arrows, and large sword on my back seemed to frighten them as I was able to maneuver back and forth, shooting arrows as they attempted to advance. When all had been looted, I continued on.

I finally arrived to where the leader was hiding out. When I saw how many men he had, I got excited. He was even foolish enough to parlay with me. Instead, I found a nice secure entrance to a tunnel, and began firing my arrows. For a few minutes, it was a cat and mouse game of me running in to shoot an arrow, then running back as they tried to cut me, and I fired more arrows until one of their companions died and they fled.

For being assassins, they were pretty broke. Only their leader had any money, and it was only 100 gold. I guess that makes up for the fine.I did find some boots that instantly gave me more energy, even though they were slightly heavier than my steel boots. I also found a Steel Warhammer. It was time to sell my trusted Lighting Sword.

Day 8
Back at Whiterun, I sold my Lightning Sword. I thought a tear began to roll down my cheek until I realized, it was starting to rain. I quickly got inside and let the woman at the bar know the guys wouldn't be bothering her anymore. She paid me 500 gold. When I asked for more, she was nice enough to give me head. Can't win them all.

All that was left now was to go visit the old guys. Oh wait, I had that letter. Turns out it was right by where I was left for dead. I've come full circle.

This time, it was different. Instead of two wolves attacking me, it was one wolf, and a dragon circling overhead. At least the wolf population is being kept in check. I managed to get close enough to fire an arrow at the dragon. He landed, thinking he had a better chance. What he didn't anticipate was my big warhammer, and a giant's camp he landed in. Note to Warrog: don't piss off a giant. With the dragon dead, and another soul captured. I tried to loot the body, but the giant was having none of it. After a series of complicated hand puppet movements, we established that although the dragon did attack me first, getting anywhere near his camp would suffer the same fate as the dragon. Luckily for me, giants are complete dumbasses, and I was able to walk away for fifty feet until he was happy I was leaving, only to return and loot the dragon.

This "power" I was told of by "a friend" happened to be another word: Frost. So at this rate, I'll be able to blow grass and maybe destroy some crops. There was a chest nearby where I found a two-handed axe that burns its victims. That was a short-lived experience with my warhammer.